Childfree Glossary

Terminology Introduction

Because the childfree community is fairly established, we have our own terminology and lingo for things. This page should bring you up to speed on those terms. You may even already be familiar with some of these terms, as some appear in popular culture. Some of these terms may not even appear on this website, but these are common throughout the childfree sphere. More terms may be added as time goes on.

Some people find the childfree terms to be offensive. That is understandable, and it is good to keep in mind that many childfree individuals use these terms to blow off steam. Childfree people don’t really use these terms in public, so they aren’t hurting anyone. I certainly don’t encourage people to use some of the terms on this page in public. That wouldn’t be appropriate. Above all, note that these terms are used lightheartedly by the childfree community for mainly comedic purposes; These terms and phrases shouldn’t be taken seriously.

Glossary – Terminology and Lingo

Baby Rabies – Someone has baby rabies when they are eager to have children and seem to not be able to talk about anything other than children. The idea of having children takes the utmost priority.

Bingo – A phrase that is often said by parents in an effort to convince the childfree that their decision to not reproduce is wrong. Such phrases include:

  • “What if your parents had decided to not have kids?”
  • “It’s different when it’s your own child!”
  • “Your biological clock is ticking.”
  • “Who will take care of you when you’re old?”
  • “The children are our future.”
  • “Parenthood is the most important job in the world.”
  • “It’s selfish to keep your future daughter/son/child from experiencing life.”
  • “Don’t you like kids?”
  • “You’ll forget about the pain of labor.”
  • “But they’d be so cute with your features!”

The reason these phrases are called a “bingo” is because they’re so frequently repeated that you could put them on a bingo card and win prizes off of it.  Also may be called a breeder bingo.

Breeder – A bad parent. Obviously not all parents are bad, so this term is a common way to distinguish bad parents from the good. Breeders do little to nurture, discipline, or actively raise their child into a decent adult human. They lack responsibility for their choice to have and raise a child.

Breedermobile – A SUV or minivan overflowing with kids and everything related to kids. Breedermobiles can be spotted as the distracted parent behind the wheel, either using their cellphone or dealing with their children in the back seats.

Childfree – Any individual who chooses to not have children, for any reason. This includes biological, adopted, and stepchildren.

Childless – Anyone who has chosen not to have children, for whatever reason.

Child-burdened – Parents who constantly complain about how their children are a burden for attention and sympathy. Desperate for compliments and approval for one of the most universal human experiences.

Child-free – See Childfree.

Diaper-whipped – A parent who allows their child or children to run wild and without guidance. Because their parents don’t care, the children scream and cry, throw a temper tantrum, throw things and make messes, and generally inconvenience other people in the room or area. These adults act like they don’t have control over the situation.

DINK – A synonym for “Dual income; no kids.”

Egg donor / Sperm donor – A parent who participated in the act of reproduction, then withdrew from parental responsibility — absent mothers, deadbeat fathers, etc.

Empty Nester – Someone who has kids, but the kids are grown and have since moved out.

Fence Sitter (or Fencesitter) – Someone who has not yet decided if they want kids.

Free-range children – Wild, annoying, and undisciplined kids who run around stores, pull things off shelves, or throw a fit in the middle of a store or restaurant.

Golden boy – The son of a male breeder who is seen as “perfect” due to the breeder’s insecurities. The golden boy is a spoiled child and is often sexist, having been taught that any female in the room is beneath him.

Grandbaby rabies – Similar to baby rabies, this mindset is suffered by older couples that are desperate for grandchildren. Because they can’t have children of their own, they often make their children uncomfortable by pressuring their children and their spouses to have sex.

Kid plague – A term for the the cloud of infection and contagion that hangs over every human person until the age of 12.  (Not a real cloud obviously)

Kindercrap – The assortment of toys and knick-knacks that children beg their parents to buy for them. Kindercrap can be seen cluttered across lawns, and scattered throughout the homes of parents.

Kodak Moments – This is the term for the idea of parenthood that mainstream media tries to perpetuate to sell products. These moments try to sell people on parenthood by telling them to think of all the good “picture perfect” moments in life. Think of a father teaching his son to throw a football, or a mother dressing her little daughter up in cute clothes. These moments are idealized and are used to idealize parenthood.

Mombie – Mombies are the parents whose time is consumed by children and baby-talking in isolation from other adults. Due to their lack of interaction from other adults, mombies wander slack-jawed and glassy-eyed through their days. They are most likely unable to talk about anything other than their children. Mombies may travel in hordes or packs.

Mommy mafia – a group of stay-at-home-moms will often form to harass and attack any individual or organization that doesn’t assume their children aren’t the most important thing in the world.

Mommy voice – The extremely patronizing tone a parent uses when speaking to a decidedly inferior childfree adult. Similar in tone when speaking to an unruly toddler, this voice is intended to “put anyone in their proper place.”

Mompetition / Mompetitors – Unnecessarily competitive mothers who think their child is better than anyone else’s child. Their entire social persona involves kid comparisons.

PNB – An acronym for “Parent, not breeder.” A decent, good, reasonable parent. A parent whose existence is independent of their children. These individuals respect the life choices of other adults, including childfree adults.

Snip – To get a vasectomy or tubal ligation. A permanent birth control solution.

Snowflake – The “perfect-precious-little-darlings” who are taught from birth by their parents that they are special and unique. Often spoiled and nasty children.

For a crash course in being childfree, check out one of my previous posts: Introduction to Childfree

For more terminology and lingo, check out the site Happily Childfree